Life is a large exercise of trust
How to tackle fear when it catches you off guard? How to turn our focus back towards hope and the future we want? Here are my 10 tools for handling fear and finding hope again.
Photo: Kuutar kuva, Mia Johansson
When we’re face to face with fear, for a moment, we step in to a scenario of the future, often a future that will never happen to us in this timeline. But how to snap out of it and turn our focus back towards a wanted future, not the one we dread?
Fear freezes us, and can make us lose trust in our lives, the universe, our future. It can break a perfectly fine sunny day and bring dark clouds to haunt us. Listening to fear instead of our calling can lead to panicy decisions that are born out of fear, not out of what our souls want.
With every moment, every heartache, every success, we’re supposed to learn to hold our vision high, yet still not get discouraged by ups or downs. Without clear tools, it’s hard. But just like with every skill in life, repetition and practice helps, and makes us better at encountering even painful and scary feelings and experiences. Facing fear - and learning to trust - is also a practice, like a muscle that becomes stronger with repetition.
Finding peace amongst a fearful moment may only require recognising a few things. Once you can do that, you’ll start understanding how fear works and how you can give it less power.
These are my 10 tools that help me ground myself and take my power back.
1. Pause to name your feelings
You must recognize that this feeling what you’re experiencing, is fear, not truth. This is not true, and this is not a result I want, but this is result that I dread. Just naming the feeling that you’re going through, helps you to strip it’s power. “This feeling what i’m going through, is fear.”
Once you’ve established that, you can start redirecting your thoughts consciously: “If that is what I’m afraid of, what is it that I want to happen?”
2. Fear feeds of attention
Remember that a fear is often just a passing thought, nothing more, and you should not give attention to it.
It’s just a thought that is flowing by, but you decide to give it power by paying attention to it. The fear that was just a passing thought, suddenly starts growing, as you start feeding it. Fears may sometimes appear to protect us, but often our protective mechanisms are too strong, protecting us based on trauma, but not of actual danger.
3. Find the source: Where does the fear come from? Is it from you, or from someone else?
Sometimes our fears are projections of other people’s expectations of us and our lives. It’s impportant to recognize, am I in fear because I’m afraid of being left out? Fearful of being rejected, not accepted? Or am I afraid because I’m faced with something that I personally actually fear? Protect your energetic and personal boundaries and try to distinguish, what is someone else’s projection and what is yours.
4. Remember to breathe deeply
Have you remembered to breath deeply? Fear loves when our breath is shallow, and when our breath does not carry life force and healing to every spot in our bodies. Somatic and breathing practices, that bring us back to our bodies, back to the present moment, can help us encounter fear and take back our power from it.
Breathe slowly and deeply, all the way to your stomach. Shallow breathing builds tension to our shoulders, neck and head and can even manifest as migraine and anxiety, as it does for me.
5. Interpretation matters - and yes, this can also be practiced
Often we take the milestones reached as confirmations that we’re on the right path. Yet, we may take the upsides and deadends as disencouragement and signs of a loss, or signs of something bad is about to happen. That’s when we accidentally attach fear to the outcome, through this negative interpretation. The upsides and dead ends can be viewed as blessings too - and that’s how you strip away their power of becoming tools for fear. Even events that we view as negatives, can be seen as positives: they’re merely redirecting you, not there to discourage you.
But first, you must recognise your feelings and be able to name them (part number 1!) Everything starts with that. Otherwise you can’t redirect your thoughts, without knowing where you are. It’s like, you can’t tell someone how to go somewhere spesific if you don’t know where they are at. The same goes with fear.
First recognize it, only then you can redirect it.
6. Establish bigger timelines for your goals
Will you trust that even when things don’t go as planned, they’re going just as they’re supposed to go? Will you trust that even in the midst of frustration, creative blocks, grief, or anger, this moment is happening for you, not against you?
Bad results of today are not indicators of future failure. Stop thinking goals wishes in timelines of days, weeks or years if it feels too imposssible or drains you more than it gives. You’ve got all the time in the world. Place yourself a more merciful timeline, like 10 or 20 years. Divide your big goal into smaller goals. Suddenly life starts to feel more peaceful. You’re not in a rush.
7. Life is a map that you must learn to read
Follow the map, but first be sure to see where you are. Life is a map. There are clues of direction everywhere. But you must be present enough to read it. The universe communicates to us in everything: with words, plants, numbers, the weather, the clouds, other people, pop culture. To read the signs, seek to root yourself to the present moment. Not everything is a sign, but everything “can be a sign”.
For example, some encounters, even passing ones, reveal us glimpses of alternative paths, and glimpses of our own responsibility for our lives: “This you could be if you believe in yourself”. Or they’re equally showing you, “this could be you, if you stop believing in yourself.” These situations are not shown to us to judge others. They’re shown to us to observe and learn from others.
An important disclaimer: the map of life is read with intuition, not with the mind. So pay attention to bodily sensations, and inner knowing. If something creates fear in you, it’s not your intuition. If it feels like a warm hug from a dear friend, or a neutral knowing, it’s your intuition.
8. Don’t compare yourself to others
You don’t know the pains of others or the struggles behind an Instagram reality. Some parts of their lifes may be further than yours, but not everything. Everyone has their daily battles and some of us just hide them better than others.
9. You always have a choice
Even when you don’t feel like it’s true, and you feel desperate, remember that you always have a choice. It’s never too late to believe in yourself. You’re never too old to start again. Never too old to start a new career or a new relationship or just jump to the unknown. It’s never too late to trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to go, and trust that a door will open if you just clearly state what you want.
Some things in life couldn’t have happened earlier, because you needed to experience and learn so many things before the time was right. Things that are meant for you, will come for you, even if the path feels rocky.
10. Get clear on your goals
If you’re drifting, and you want a lot of things, or you don’t know exactly know what you want in life, the universe will give exactly what you ask for: mixed results.
Wherever you are, whatever you do, if you feel lost, all you need to do is ask the way, and the way will appear.
You won’t get a Lamborghini*, if it’s not your soul’s true desire, but you can get so much help in getting what you want in life, if you just ask. We don’t always get what we want, if it’s from a source of ego, but if your heart desires something and you’re ready to stay dedicated to getting it, despite turbulences, it will come to you eventually.
(*if you REALLY REALLY REALLY don’t actually want a Lamborghini, why would you get one?)
Remember that life is not just about what happens in 2 years, 10 years, or even in 20 years. Some of the things you ask now, may come to you when you’re 50, 60 or even 70. So be patient. And don’t let fear take a hold of you.